An entirely hypothetical question

Am I gay if I only have gay sex when I'm drunk? Because I've had really drunk, really fat sex, and I know I'm not into that.

Instead of working

I spent the better part of Friday convincing everyone at work that one of my coworkers was a child star back home in Asia.

As always, the key to the successful lie is the details. In this case: his stage name (Jerome Suarez) and the show (the Filipino version of Small Wonder).

$300 + utilities

I'm sorry, we're only considering renting that room to people we've met in person. However, we are in no hurry to fill the room and would be happy to consider as a roommate the young, sexy, open-minded female whom you describe yourself to be. As soon as you get back from London, where I totally believe you are, feel free to shoot me an email.

I've also attached a picture of myself to this email, since I don't see anything out of the ordinary with a prospective renter requesting a photo of myself. And I will be looking forward to receiving a few pics of you, an offer that I consider equally not out of the ordinary.

I'm a little confused

Are Goths supposed to be from the past, or the future? They can't seem to decide if they want to dress like Trinity or Lestat.